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Mirrors and numbers

Even in a rational and calm headspace some days are exactly that; harder than others.

I more often than not know better….Know that the negativity and self-beration that want to join the party are unkind, unnecessary and unwanted guests; however they do show up sometimes.

Living a clean and active lifestyle is a choice for me; each and every day.

The past 7 years have been immensely beneficial (and in so many respects) however…. No matter what the rational reality of things may be on any given day, I have absolutely had my fair share of irrational thoughts and negativity; directed solely at myself.

The taunts may have changed somewhat over the years though they are in essence the same. As I have grown up and spent more time working on my wellness; as well as headspace; I have identified the main, recurring and often overwhelming negative thought.

What if I NEVER look the way I feel?”

Broken down this could be any number of specific questions, frustrations and negative focuses; on appearance, outlook or even ridiculous fantasies. As if the 27 year old – 5ft 2in (157cm) female will ever grow taller!!

At the risk of, well everything, I have laid it out for everyone to see now. I want to look as amazing as I feel. Vain on many levels and yet it feels at times like the most important thing. Yes, our society moulds a particular body-type for both men and women, trashy magazines certainly don’t assist and most humans are their own worst enemy HOWEVER I do not feel my quest/desire/dream is that obscene.

There is no magic number in my head to hit, nor a size of clothing and most certainly not anyone else’s opinion. For me this is about seeing a fit, lean hard-working and well individual in the mirror. I doubt many of us will ever be 100% content; it is not human nature (silly humans) though I do feel it is important for me to get closer to looking as I feel.

The #1 hurdle is my head and I know it. Some time ago I accepted that any lasting and beneficial change is a journey, one with no timeframe. I also decided to dedicate time and energy to learning all that I can about how our bodies work and what they need. This placed me in good stead to look at my own individual bodies’ needs as well and ensure that I was workingΒ withΒ and not against any special requirements that I have.Β The main special requirement that I factor into decision-making is that I have genetic PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) combined with Insulin Resistance. Present since 9 years of age and diagnosed at 22. I look forward to discussing this specific, though common issue through this blog. The first post is set for next week – following up on my week with no soy milk – trialled to potentially assist with this condition….

It is was hard to say/write/talk about this topic not being in the overweight nor the unhealthy category. It has been said that I am hard on myself and that my expectations at time have been unrealistic but what woman does not wish she could look like a Victoria’s Secret model??!!! Bottom line is that I never will look that particular way though jokes aside I feel confident that I CAN feel and look like the best possible ME that I can be. This is my journey and I thank you for joining me.

Baring all

Baring all (a training tool)

Nadia xxx

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3 Comments Post a comment
  1. Nadia, as the owner of one of Sydney’s longest selling swimwear stores, I can assure you that all women are hard on themselves. In my 25 years of selling cozzies there is not a body that comes into our store that is 100% happy, oh hang on we have had Nicole Kidman shop with us and Cate Blanchet, oh and then there was Rachael (it won’t happen over night) girl. Nicole thought she was too fair, Kate was modest and Rachael we had to close the store because Rod and the entourage were there. So in saying all that, love the one your with and be healthy in the mind as well as the body
    From the Oz Resort swimwear therapy department πŸ™‚

    February 19, 2013
    • I certainly agree with that Jacqui Major xx

      February 19, 2013

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