How Being Focused Almost Ruined Me
This past week has been the biggest of my life, so far.
A media and industry eBook launch (photos below), two incredible photo shoot opportunities (stay tuned!), media interviews and preparing to teach my first workshop.
Grateful, excited, humbled, exhausted from my eyes to my toes and feeling super satisfied all at the same time. My instagram has been awash with my latest hashtag #dreamsdocometrue.
The day before my launch party, I was talking to a dear friend of mine and someone who had observed my noticeable absence from her life over the past few months. Instead of feeling defensive or hurt by her words, I felt sad. That this gorgeous person in my life had felt pushed out by me and that I had barely noticed. Not a great feeling I have to say…
However from all challenging and uncomfortable feelings, comes growth; if we choose to pay attention that is.
Amidst the biggest week of my life, which was also part of the biggest month and biggest year, I realised that my tendency to go within, to focus so absolutely on my dreams and to rely on myself was as much an asset as a weakness.
Sure, you could say that when we chase our dreams, there are sacrifices and I would absolutely agree with this. Though I would also agree that none of us are ever alone, even if it can sometimes feel that way. Our dreams, our hopes, our fears and our lives are brought to life and most realised when shared with the people that we love.
By focusing so clearly and intently on what I wanted to create for myself, I left the world behind and crafted my own island. Maybe this seemed easier, more efficient or less painful? I am not entirely sure though I do know I want to be more aware of these tendencies moving forward on this journey. Just because I am used to being alone does not make this the default and best decision in all circumstances.
Although each of us are different and even those closest to us, may not share exactly the same amount of enthusiasm as us for certain topics, this reality need not be approached as a challenge or a difference to overcome. I feel so grateful to have such a wonderfully supportive group of people around me, many that I am fortunate enough to have known for years and through all kinds of decisions as well as some newer members to my world who equally bring their love and support to the table.
From the sadness that I felt on that day, I chose to act with love. Stepping way out of my comfort zone, calling my friend and telling her openly, honestly and without a hint of comedy, that I was sorry. For hurting her, for being distant and for not telling her how much she meant to me. I also told her that I wanted to see her smiling face at my launch if she could be there. I wanted her to be a part of this with me. I told her that life would be better with her presence.
What an incredible lesson and blessing.
I realised that my old self and newer self were colliding in a way that they never had before. The über professional, busy, talented and efficient individual that I have always slipped into being so easily was meeting my heart. Not to say that you can’t act with both at the same time though I have little experience with it. The societal rules don’t so much allow for this and it occurred to me that years of feeling alone and wanting more for myself had resulted in a slick exterior. A hard-working, worker-bee, all business mentality. Though hadn’t this reality pushed me to walk away and follow my bliss?
Although immense shifts have occurred within me and without, this past week has shown me that departing from something doesn’t necessarily mean that you have left it behind. Nor that you need to. Over a decade of this self-island-mentality is going to need more practice to bring out and that is perfectly OK. All is as it should be.
The journey that each of us is on is 100% ours and I feel so strongly that no matter where that is, all is exactly as it should be. Yesterday I was lamenting with someone about how many seriously shitty jobs that I have had in my time and how truly grateful I was for each and every one of them. They allowed me to learn more lessons than I have time to write and they also provided me with the foundation to know that no matter how scary, new, challenging or unknown the path in front of me is, it is a million miles away from there. It is in my hands and up to me. Not some shitty boss who I have no respect for.
It is up to you as well.
Are you game?
xxx Nadia xxx
Photo credit to the incredible Tippy Dray as always ❤