I’m a Bachelorette Again
Well kind of…. This past week I’ve been living alone once again.
With my incredible husband jetting off to live his dreams (doing the below – yes these are his incredible photos) I have 10 days in the house, just me, myself and I. Up until 3 years ago, this was daily life for me. Coming home to a dark quiet and empty home and you know what?
I freaking loved it!
Living alone as I did for 3 years was awesome. It taught me more about myself than anything else ever has and allowed me to feel ultimate self-strength; I could always rely on myself.
Tippy booked this trip earlier in the year so I knew it was coming and I planned accordingly. I reset my outlook and was not-so-secretly looking forward to it. Even though I consider myself independent; living and partnering with someone undoubtedly means that you start to lean on them. You know those little things like leaving the rubbish which you’re totally capable of taking, for them and asking for a lift to dinner with the girls when a bus will do just fine?
Sometimes you even start to develop bad little habits whether that be eating a little more than you need because you serve him that amount or maybe not doing that last set at the gym because you want to get home to see him. The reality is that these things are all good and perfectly normal. Of course we want to spend time with the ones we love, they want to help and support us and who the heck likes public transport over private cars anyway…
It’s just that the “we” sometimes becomes more powerful than the “me” and this isn’t so helpful.
I was looking forward to and have enjoyed re-affirming my own life. Being together and being a happy duo doesn’t mean checking out from yourself, though how many of us do this exact thing?! Don’t we all have that friend who you never hear from now that she’s loved up? Or perhaps we are her?
A couple of messages that I sent to Tippy whilst he’s been away:
‘I miss your happy and positive presence. I miss you in ways that I didn’t know I could though most of all I couldn’t be prouder of or happier for you. This is the kind of relationship I could only ever dream of and baby, we have it. I love you xx’
‘Keep living your dreams and enjoy every moment. I’ll be here with open arms when you get back though for now be there xx’
The kind of relationship that I refer to is one in which we’re first and foremost individuals living our lives and following our hearts. One in which we come together in true and honest support of each other. Sometimes that means we don’t want the same thing and sometimes that means he goes to Tonga and I go to Bali or that we go to Morocco together. On a local level, me spending time with my girlfriends need not always concern or include him and vice versa with his friends. Solo time is crucial. Solo friend time is crucial too. Couple time isn’t the only time.
Spending time this week becoming aware of the ways in which I lean on Tippy has been really eye opening, a wonderful opportunity to revisit what I’m doing and what I want for myself. I guess you could say I’ve had the best of both worlds wherby I know the man of my dreams will be coming home to me in less than a week and yet I have all of this time to myself.
To not ask what he wants to watch on TV (though let’s be honest The Bachelor always wins out!), have sleepovers with friends, train everyday without a timeframe, take up all of the bed, listen to motivational videos on max volume around the house, do handstand prep against the wall just because and sit in my own silence.
It’s been an incredible opportunity to reconnect with me.
As someone who relished her single and also living-solo days, these moments are now rare.
I’m so grateful to the universe that Tippy and I are both on the same path; committed to supporting each other and living our dreams, both individually and together. These words formed part of our vows a few months ago on our wedding day and are just as powerful today. However I feel it’s so important that each of us is ourselves, a separate entity from our family, our friends and each other. I adore all of the aforementioned in my life though am a far better human to them all for looking after myself and following my heart.
Considering others is great – living for them isn’t.
Why because you’re a couple does that instantly mean you love the same things and you do everything together? Intimacy and commitment also means letting them go and focusing on you, not always the two of you.
With this outlook, honesty and openness; the rest sorts itself out. Yes, without intervention from you or spending every waking moment together.
Are you game to give it a go for yourself? Is it time that you checked in with you and your heart?
xxx Nadia xxx
P.S. Tippy and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary on Friday and I couldn’t be more thankful that this incredible human being is in my life and loves me, for me!